Entry 23 - One can only hope.

Oh, I am a silly, silly woman.

Recently I found myself addicted (whether physically or habitually) to stopping by Casey's in the morning and picking up an energy drink and a small bag of M&Ms.

As time progressed, it became two energy drinks and a "sharing size" of M&Ms, which you can bet your sweet bippy never got shared.

And bear in mind, that would not necessarily be all of the caffeine or chocolate I'd have in a day.

Anyway, I kind of reached a point this weekend where everything just fell apart for me. Not mentally, just … it's hard to explain. I realized by the end of last week that I was afraid to get weighed because I could feel my backfat touching my hipfat. Never good. And I plain ol' felt horrid. I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to get off the couch. Every movement just felt painful, and every touch from anyone felt painful. I was trying to write this off in my head to a trip to Kansas and back, followed by a trip to St. Paul and back. Both of which certainly contributed, but could have been mitigated. I could have been doing my exercise bike every morning again (lately, I just sleep right on through "bike time"). I could be cutting out all the known fibromyalgia aggravating foods like peppers, potatoes, CAFFEINE, etc. But I wasn't.

And now not only was I incredibly miserable, but I was also cleaning between parts of my skin that shouldn't be touching in the first place.

And I went shopping for a dress to wear to the wedding. No, not the dress in an earlier thread. I reached a point where I feared I'd look like a giant crinkly aluminum ball in it instead of the sleek, golden goddess I intended. So I bought a circus tent… er, dress off the rack at David's Bridal. Which admittedly, from the front, looks pretty rockin'. From the side, it looks more like a … um … circus tent. But oh well.

Anyway, I resolved that since this is a quiet week at work, this is when I'd give up certain inflammatories. Caffeine and chocolate are out. Lots of raw foods are in. I also punted milk, because I kept getting a painful tummy every time I had ice cream or a bowl of cereal.

So I'm day two on no caffeine. Okay, if you count the Diet Coke I had yesterday to try to assuage some symptoms (which ended up being totally worthless, so not doing it today), I'm actually on day one, but in spirit, I'm on day two.

And I. am. miserable. My head is pounding so bad. And not just my forehead, it runs this nice little circuit along the base of my skull and around my hairline. I have a heat wrap on my shoulders right now that's helping part of it. I also want to puke my guts up. I hate my iron constitution and its unwillingness to hurl. Instead, I get this stupid guttural air burps. Pissing me off.

But here we are. I'm trying. And hopefully I'll continue to feel desperate enough to keep trying. One can only hope, right?